My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize