I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize