She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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