I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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