If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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