i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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