So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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