i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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