guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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