He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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