Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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