He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize