dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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