so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize