you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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