At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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