if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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