i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize