the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize