I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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