So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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