Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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