Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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