I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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