I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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