i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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