Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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