A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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