I heard we made out
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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