when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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