so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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