Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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