I can't breathe out the right side of my face
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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