the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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