i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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