Your dad touched me again.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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