just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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