I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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