no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your penis caused this!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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