My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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