the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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