All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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