I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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