I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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