You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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