all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize