So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone came in the potted fern
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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