She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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