Im at strip club and am horny
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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