I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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